There is a Sufi story about a very cunning fox .... All foxes are cunning, but there are politician foxes
too. This happened to be a politician fox, very cunning. One day she woke up, and finding herself very hungry, came out of her cave in search of some breakfast. The sun was rising, and she saw
her shadow so long she could not believe it. She said, ”My God! I am that big? Now where am I
going to get my breakfast? I will need at least one camel; less than that won’t do. My shadow is so
big, naturally I must be as big.” It is logical, perfectly Aristotelian. You cannot say she is wrong.
You also know yourself only in the mirror – there is no other way. Have you known yourself in any
other way except through a shadow?
So don’t laugh at the poor fox. How can she conceive that a small thing can make such a big
shadow? It is very natural to conclude that if the shadow is so big, you must be as big.
And when it comes to feeling oneself big, who wants to argue against it? When anything gives you
the sense of bigness, you don’t want to go into details to find whether it is true or wrong, whether it
is logically right, scientifically provable. No, your whole being is so enchanted ....
The fox really felt that big. You could see – her walk changed. But where can she find a camel for her
breakfast? And even if she can find a camel, it is going to be absolutely pointless; she cannot make
a breakfast out of a camel. She searches, she finds many small animals which would have been
enough any other day, but today is different. She does not bother about all those small creatures.
They will be lost just in her teeth. She needs a camel, an elephant or something big.
But she finds nothing big. The sun goes on rising higher and higher, and she goes on becoming
hungrier and hungrier. When the sun is just exactly above her head she looks again at her shadow:
it has shrunken so small it is just underneath her. She says, ”My God! Hunger does things to
people. Just one morning I have missed breakfast and look what has happened to my poor self! In
the morning I was so big; only half a day has passed and this is my situation. Now even if I can get
any small creature, that may be too much, I may not be able to digest it.”
This Sufi story is significant. It is our story.
This is our agony:
We are trying to become something which is not in the nature of things. We are not allowing nature
to take its course; that is our agony.
When I was leaving my parents to go to the hostel in the university, they were persistently asking,
”What do you want to become?” And I was telling them, ”That question is utter nonsense. How do I
know what I am going to become? Only time will show.”
They could not understand me. They said, ”Look at all your friends: somebody is going to become a
doctor, somebody is going to become an engineer, somebody is going to be become this, somebody
is going to become that. You are the only person who is going to the university without any idea of
what you want to become.”
I said, ”Becoming is not my number. I want to let things take their course. I would love to find what
nature makes of me, but I don’t have any program of my own. To have a program of my own means
suffering. That means I am trying to impose something on nature and it is going to fail.”
Man has been failing for thousands of years for the simple reason that he wants to conquer nature.
Someone has even written a book, CONQUEST OF NATURE. Nature cannot be conquered. Just
look at the foolishness of the idea. You are part of nature, such a small, tiny part of such an infinite
nature. And the part is trying to conquer the whole – as if your little finger is trying to conquer you.
How can you conquer nature?
Nature is your very soul.
Who is going to conquer whom?
Where is the separation?
I told my parents, ”Please let me go. I am not going to project anything for my future. I want to keep
it open so if nature desires anything of me, I am available. If nothing is desired of me that too is
perfectly good. Who am I to expect that something should be desired of me? One day I was not,
one day I will not be. Just a few days in between – why make much fuss about it? Can’t you pass
silently across this little interval between birth and death without making noise, raising flags, and
shouting slogans? Can’t you simply pass?”
But they said, ”This is not the way. Everybody has to have an ideal; otherwise he will be lost.”
I said, ”I would love to be lost but remain true to nature, to existence, rather than achieve a great
ideal against nature, against existence. In the first place, in which you say I will be lost, I will be
blissfully lost. In the second place, in which you think I would have achieved something, I will be
nothing but pain, suffering, and finally agony.”
Agony is the deepest in you.
And it happens only to man.
All other animals are free of agony – but they are also free of ecstasy. Agony and ecstasy happen
together; otherwise they don’t happen at all.
Have you seen any animal in ecstasy or in agony? a buffalo in agony? Just to think of it seems to be
absurd. A buffalo in agony? For what reason should the buffalo be in agony? The buffalo never tried
to become the queen of England – why should it be in agony? It simply allowed nature to make her
whatsoever was the will of existence. Yes, it will never know ecstasy either because both happen at
the same depth.
Agony happens if you go on missing your self.
Ecstasy happens if you happen to find yourself.
Missing yourself or finding yourself:
Both happen at the same depth of your being.
too. This happened to be a politician fox, very cunning. One day she woke up, and finding herself very hungry, came out of her cave in search of some breakfast. The sun was rising, and she saw
her shadow so long she could not believe it. She said, ”My God! I am that big? Now where am I
going to get my breakfast? I will need at least one camel; less than that won’t do. My shadow is so
big, naturally I must be as big.” It is logical, perfectly Aristotelian. You cannot say she is wrong.
You also know yourself only in the mirror – there is no other way. Have you known yourself in any
other way except through a shadow?
So don’t laugh at the poor fox. How can she conceive that a small thing can make such a big
shadow? It is very natural to conclude that if the shadow is so big, you must be as big.
And when it comes to feeling oneself big, who wants to argue against it? When anything gives you
the sense of bigness, you don’t want to go into details to find whether it is true or wrong, whether it
is logically right, scientifically provable. No, your whole being is so enchanted ....
The fox really felt that big. You could see – her walk changed. But where can she find a camel for her
breakfast? And even if she can find a camel, it is going to be absolutely pointless; she cannot make
a breakfast out of a camel. She searches, she finds many small animals which would have been
enough any other day, but today is different. She does not bother about all those small creatures.
They will be lost just in her teeth. She needs a camel, an elephant or something big.
But she finds nothing big. The sun goes on rising higher and higher, and she goes on becoming
hungrier and hungrier. When the sun is just exactly above her head she looks again at her shadow:
it has shrunken so small it is just underneath her. She says, ”My God! Hunger does things to
people. Just one morning I have missed breakfast and look what has happened to my poor self! In
the morning I was so big; only half a day has passed and this is my situation. Now even if I can get
any small creature, that may be too much, I may not be able to digest it.”
This Sufi story is significant. It is our story.
This is our agony:
We are trying to become something which is not in the nature of things. We are not allowing nature
to take its course; that is our agony.
When I was leaving my parents to go to the hostel in the university, they were persistently asking,
”What do you want to become?” And I was telling them, ”That question is utter nonsense. How do I
know what I am going to become? Only time will show.”
They could not understand me. They said, ”Look at all your friends: somebody is going to become a
doctor, somebody is going to become an engineer, somebody is going to be become this, somebody
is going to become that. You are the only person who is going to the university without any idea of
what you want to become.”
I said, ”Becoming is not my number. I want to let things take their course. I would love to find what
nature makes of me, but I don’t have any program of my own. To have a program of my own means
suffering. That means I am trying to impose something on nature and it is going to fail.”
Man has been failing for thousands of years for the simple reason that he wants to conquer nature.
Someone has even written a book, CONQUEST OF NATURE. Nature cannot be conquered. Just
look at the foolishness of the idea. You are part of nature, such a small, tiny part of such an infinite
nature. And the part is trying to conquer the whole – as if your little finger is trying to conquer you.
How can you conquer nature?
Nature is your very soul.
Who is going to conquer whom?
Where is the separation?
I told my parents, ”Please let me go. I am not going to project anything for my future. I want to keep
it open so if nature desires anything of me, I am available. If nothing is desired of me that too is
perfectly good. Who am I to expect that something should be desired of me? One day I was not,
one day I will not be. Just a few days in between – why make much fuss about it? Can’t you pass
silently across this little interval between birth and death without making noise, raising flags, and
shouting slogans? Can’t you simply pass?”
But they said, ”This is not the way. Everybody has to have an ideal; otherwise he will be lost.”
I said, ”I would love to be lost but remain true to nature, to existence, rather than achieve a great
ideal against nature, against existence. In the first place, in which you say I will be lost, I will be
blissfully lost. In the second place, in which you think I would have achieved something, I will be
nothing but pain, suffering, and finally agony.”
Agony is the deepest in you.
And it happens only to man.
All other animals are free of agony – but they are also free of ecstasy. Agony and ecstasy happen
together; otherwise they don’t happen at all.
Have you seen any animal in ecstasy or in agony? a buffalo in agony? Just to think of it seems to be
absurd. A buffalo in agony? For what reason should the buffalo be in agony? The buffalo never tried
to become the queen of England – why should it be in agony? It simply allowed nature to make her
whatsoever was the will of existence. Yes, it will never know ecstasy either because both happen at
the same depth.
Agony happens if you go on missing your self.
Ecstasy happens if you happen to find yourself.
Missing yourself or finding yourself:
Both happen at the same depth of your being.
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